When we came back from China, I was so "on fire." I felt so changed. I felt so focused. Now I feel almost nothing but shame. In three months of living in America, I have almost completely (at least on the outside) gone back to the person I was before China. That person worries about money. That person wants a nice, comfortable home to live in, with a nice, new couch in the living room. That person has to have a nice car to drive. That person thinks she can't live without an iphone. That person thinks that 5 or 6 outfits is just not enough.
I thought she was gone - a thing of the past - but now she is back. She is consumed in her job and has forgotten her focus. Too be honest, I didn't like living in China. It was cold and wet, the food was not awesome, etc. etc. etc. But I would gladly trade the nice house, well-paying job, clothes that fit, and the Mexican food to be back in a place in my life where I am consumed with God's presence in my life, rather than work and money.
2 Timothy 2:3-4 says this,
"Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him."
One of my posts during our time in China was of how I was a soldier fighting in a war. Now that soldier is living back among civilians. I have allowed myself to get lost and entangled in civilian pursuits. This week, I WILL pray for God to help me renew my focus and I WILL renew my commitment to please the One who enlisted me.