In-Between Cultures

Has it really been two months?!?! Where has the time gone? I will take time later on to update you on the happenings of our lives, but for now I want to talk about something that has been on my heart and mind.

I am a "third culture kid." Wikipedia defines a third culture kid as "someone who, as a child, has spent a significant period of time in one or more culture(s) other than his or her own thus integrating elements of those cultures and their own birth culture, into a third culture." The entry in Wikipedia also goes on to say, "TCKs tend to have more in common with one another, regardless of nationality, than they do with non-TCKs from their own country."

I've always known I was different. I have always felt like I didn't fit in. I lived the first five years of my life in Bombay, India, and then moved to Henderson, Tennessee, a town where most people have never even crossed the state line. I never watched Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. We didn't even have a TV in India. I started school when I was two, and by the time I was five, I could speak at least 4 languages. I was the only "white" girl (I'm counting my mom as a woman) in a city of 14 million. I ate with my hands, used a "squatty potty," and wore salvars. I carried a "tiffin" to school, wore bhindis, and drank coffee - all before age five. This was life. This was home. This was all I knew.

When we moved to the States, I would ask when we were going home. America was not home for me. I might have looked like everyone else, but in my five year old mind, this did not even register. I was not like these people.

But over the years, I became really good at being a chameleon. I started dressing, talking, eating and acting like the other children around me. I stopped talking about India because it caused the other kids to think I was weird. I just wanted to blend in - to feel like I belonged. I have done such a good job of this since I was five years old that, often, people forget that I really am different.

Just a few weeks ago, I was talking to someone and I said that I "grew up" in India. They sarcastically commented that five years is not "growing up" somewhere. I beg to differ. Not only are the first five years of your life extremely formative, but also, if spending two weeks in a foreign country can change your life, imagine what five years would do. It has an exponentially greater impact. I have lived in America for about 20 years, but a part of me will always be Indian - even though I can no longer speak the language; even though I don't have any Indian blood running in my veins; and even though I look and talk and act American. I am not American. I am not Indian. I am just Kris. I used to be ashamed of the fact that I never felt like I fit in. Now I am beginning to realize that I am a beautiful mixture of cultures, that I have understanding of the world beyond my years, and that I am blessed beyond measure. I am a Third Culture Kid.

Having said that, I want all of you to understand something. It seems silly, but I realize, after a year and a half, that people judge me because I have a nose ring. They think I am "rebellious." I think some unconsciously believe that I am not as good of a Christian because I have a piercing in my nose. It sounds so ridiculous, but that is how I am often treated by American "Christians." Nose rings are not American, nor are they a contemporary act of rebellion. Nose rings have been around for a long time and have a much deeper meaning than appearances or "just trying to be different." First of all, if you read in Genesis 22, the story of Isaac and Rebekah, you will see that a nose ring was given to Rebekah as an engagement gift from her future husband. In India (my first culture), a nose ring was originally used as a symbol of marriage - kind of like an engagement ring or wedding band in the US. It would only make sense for a girl from the Indian culture to desire a nose ring when she gets married. And just as a side note, for those who still think that I just want to get attention and rebel, I was 24 years old when I got my nose ring - and I still asked my parents permission!!

This is one of the many examples that I could bring up to describe how I am different, and how that often leads to being misunderstood or judged unfairly. Not only as a Third Culture Kid, but as a human and a Christian, I want to encourage you to see past the visible. A person is a knit-together quilt made up of culture, beliefs, trials, joys, and so much more. We each have a soul. We are each loved by our Creator. Take the time to understand who people are and where they come from before you make judgements about their character.

Entangled

We have been back in the States for just over 3 months now. I almost said we have been "home," but in truth, I'm not sure where "home" is anymore...actually, I do - but it's nowhere on this earth. Re-entry has been very difficult. I have only made it through one worship service (yes, one in 3 months) without crying. I don't know where it comes from or what starts it, but it's usually uncontrollable. The hundreds of people who don't know me at the congregation we have been attending are probably wondering what in the world is wrong with that poor girl that cries every Sunday. Besides that, we still don't feel settled. We are still living with my parents and all of our things are still in storage in Tennessee. The biggest adjustment for us has definitely been work. In China, we worked about 20 hours a week, and Michael and I were together about 20 out of the 24 hours in a day. Now, if you include my 1.5 hour one-way commute, I work an average of 50-60 hours per week. Michael works part-time at The Home Depot, so he usually is scheduled to work evenings and weekends. We are lucky to get to see each other for a couple of hours a day.

When we came back from China, I was so "on fire." I felt so changed. I felt so focused. Now I feel almost nothing but shame. In three months of living in America, I have almost completely (at least on the outside) gone back to the person I was before China. That person worries about money. That person wants a nice, comfortable home to live in, with a nice, new couch in the living room. That person has to have a nice car to drive. That person thinks she can't live without an iphone. That person thinks that 5 or 6 outfits is just not enough.

I thought she was gone - a thing of the past - but now she is back. She is consumed in her job and has forgotten her focus. Too be honest, I didn't like living in China. It was cold and wet, the food was not awesome, etc. etc. etc. But I would gladly trade the nice house, well-paying job, clothes that fit, and the Mexican food to be back in a place in my life where I am consumed with God's presence in my life, rather than work and money.

2 Timothy 2:3-4 says this,

"Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him."

One of my posts during our time in China was of how I was a soldier fighting in a war. Now that soldier is living back among civilians. I have allowed myself to get lost and entangled in civilian pursuits. This week, I WILL pray for God to help me renew my focus and I WILL renew my commitment to please the One who enlisted me.

Adjusting

Adjusting to life back in the States continues to prove difficult.

I still have not been able to get on a regular sleep schedule - in fact, I slept until 11 o'clock today.

We have not yet been able to settle into our own place, so we are currently living with my parents. They are so kind to let us do this and we love getting to spend so much time with them (especially after a year away), but it is certainly not the ideal situation for any of us.

Since we haven't been able to get a place of our own, most of our belongings are in Tennessee, while we're in Texas. It gets frustrating having to dig around for things (such as social security cards) when you're not even sure if they're in the same state as you.

But by far, the hardest adjustment has been church culture.

In China, there were 7 to 9 of us who met every Sunday. We had no set time to meet. We wore whatever we had on - shorts, jeans, t-shirts...it didn't matter. Our meetings usually lasted 3 or 4 hours. But the greatest thing about church for us was that we shared a deep spiritual intimacy. That was something I had never experienced before. Every week, we shared the joys that we had encountered. Every week, we shared the struggles that we were trying to overcome. I knew what was going on in all of their lives - every day of every week. And they knew what was going on in mine. We prayed for each other very specifically every day. We studied God's Word and then we held each other accountable in obeying what we had learned throughout the week.

I miss that.

I don't think that American church culture is wrong. I just think it's different. And it's hard to adjust back to, after coming from the Chinese church culture that we created. It's difficult sitting in a room with hundreds upon hundreds of people, most of whom I don't know - and if I do know, I don't know that well. They don't know me - not really. They don't know what made me laugh or cry the week before. They don't know what I'm worried about in the upcoming week. They don't know what sin I am struggling with. My first Sunday back at worship in America, I cried most of the way through. I was upset that it felt like a fashion show, when so many in the world didn't even know the name of Jesus. Of course, the people of that congregation are wonderful, and most of them probably didn't wear what they wore to get attention or to look the best. That was just how it appeared to me from what and where I was coming from.

It is hard for me to explain (and I'm sure hard for you to understand if you haven't experienced it). I just have to keep reminding myself that it's not wrong, it's just different. But mostly I just miss my brothers and sisters in China that knew me better than any others, and still loved me, and with whom I grew so much.

Start to Finish

Coming home was a bit of a nightmare. But it's been a week and a half, so I think I can talk about it now.

The school that Michael and I taught for only allotted us a specific amount of money for our airline tickets home, so we had to find the cheapest flight possible. That happened to be China Eastern Airlines. This was a bit of a risky move considering that we were going to be on that plane for 12 hours, but we didn't have much of a choice, so we tried to be optimistic.

We got to the airport several hours before our flight. After some drama, including going to the wrong terminal (I guess we were wrong to assume that a flight to LA would be in the international terminal), having to change gates 3 times, and waiting in line to board for about an hour, we finally boarded the plane. We got settled in and waited for take-off, and waited, and waited... After another half hour or so sitting on the tarmac, we find out that our flight is being delayed due to "bad weather." We looked out the window - it wasn't even raining; in fact, it wasn't even cloudy. I had already taken my Dramamine, so I fell asleep and completely missed take-off.

The 12-hour flight was as to be expected. After sleeping as long as I could, then reading as long as I could, then watching movies as long as I could, I looked at the clock and we still had 2 hours to go.

We were so excited to be back on US soil. We were completely beside ourselves to see signs that we could actually read, to see other Americans, and even to hear people speaking Spanish. We made it through immigration without a hitch. Then we had to pick up our luggage to go through customs. Again, China Eastern made us wait, and wait, and wait. When we started waiting for the bags, we had 1 hour to make it to our connecting flight (we were supposed to have a 3-hour layover). We got our suitcases, loaded our carts and took off at a run for customs. They let us through quickly and we sprinted out of the international terminal and to the domestic terminal. We found an American Airlines agent to help us - we had 30 minutes before the flight was scheduled to leave. She informed us that we were 15 minutes late. Your suitcases have to be checked 45 minutes before scheduled departure. That's when the crying started.

Missing the flight might not have been so bad - after all, it's LA and they have lots of flights going to Dallas everyday - but another American Airlines flight to Dallas had been canceled. So a full flight of passengers had to be put on standby for the remaining flights to DFW. We waited in a ticketing line for 2 hours to find out that all the flights were overbooked and the best she could do was put us on stand-by. By this time I was crying so hard that the poor airline agent gave us "stand-by priority." But that doesn't mean much when there are 65 people on the stand-by list.

So we went to the gate for the next flight out, sat on the floor and prayed for them to call our names. They didn't. We used a pay phone to call my mom. She said to keep praying, then she made some phone calls and had a whole bunch of other people praying for us as well. We made a trek to the gate for the next flight out. As the line of boarding passengers dwindled to nothing, they started calling names for standby's. We were numbers 3 and 4. Numbers 1 and 2 didn't show up. More tears - this time they were tears of joy.

After all that, we finally made it home. I was so happy, I hardly even noticed that we were 4 hours later than we were supposed to be.

While we were sitting in the airport, praying desperately to get home, I asked Michael why I could ask for something so desperately of my Father and He wouldn't give it to me. Wasn't there a verse about that? 1 John 3:22 says, "and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him." Hadn't we been spending the past year keeping His commandments and doing what pleased Him?

I doubted Him. After all that He had done, after all that He had gotten me through, I doubted Him.

I am so thankful that I have people in my life who keep faith even in difficult times. And looking back, I'm so thankful for those few hours of testing that I received in the Los Angeles airport.

My focus had been lacking over those last few days in China. I was so consumed with going "home," that I had forgotten that my life is God's and that there is no shifting of the wind that He does not have a hand in. I relied on myself to get me "home." I needed a reminder that I NEED Him, even when I'm going home.

He took me to China. He protected, supported, and held me up while we were there, and He brought me safely home. He was there from Start to Finish. And He is still here. And He will always be here.

Reflections

All my bags are packed; I'm ready to go.

The van comes to pick us up in less than 2 hours, and we will say goodbye to Hangzhou, our home for the past year. And what a year it has been.

It was not at all what I expected.

I expected to teach, but instead I learned. I expected to reach out, but instead I reached up. I expected to grow, but instead I grew up.

Above all, I feel this has been a year of learning and growing. Maybe God wanted me in China, not so that I could teach others, but so that He and they could teach me. I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned a lot of my faults and short-comings. But more than that, I have begun to learn how to turn them over to the Father, and allow Him to change me for His glory.

I expected to reach people with the Good News. But instead I have learned to let Him Work through me, and to let go and allow Him to bring the increase in His own time and for His own glory. He has taught me over and over to rely on Him. And He has taught me the meaning of His words in 1 Corinthians 15:58

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourself fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Although I still have a long way to go, I have grown more than I can even recount. But more than that, I have grown closer to Michael. I have grown closer to my family and true friends. And I have grown closer to my Father.

He has been so good to us. He has been with us every step of the way. He has picked us up when we have fallen. He has blessed us beyond measure. He has led us and protected us and held us in a way that I have never felt before. Thank you, Father, for your steadfast love. I cannot express it in words, but you know what I am saying in my heart.

And to all of you, I want to say thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for your encouraging comments. Thank you most of all for your prayers. They got us through some dark and despairing days, and they helped us rejoice even more on some beautiful and joyful days. May He bless us all as we continue to find ways to Obey and Serve.

Survey Trip

We just got back a few days ago from our survey trip. So much happened - there is really too much to tell. Suffice it to say, we learned a lot about each other, ourselves, and the places where we are looking to live. You can follow how things went with these pictures:

After a very long and stressful stay at the airport, we were finally able to fly out of China and meet up with our team. Our first stop was Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

Part of the Grand Palace in PP.

We were all very happy to be together again after nearly a year of seperation. Here we are riding together in a tuk tuk.

Gavin, Lauren & Jen

Kris, Michael & Aarek

As most countries in SouthEast Asia, Cambodia is predominately Buddhist.

Monks making the commute to their studies.

We stopped by Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum - this is where victims of the Khmer Rouge genocide were imprisoned and tortured.

A hallway in Tuol Sleng leading to the cells where prisoners were kept & tortured.

The Khmer Rouge photographed all the prisoners that they put to death. The rooms are filled with their pictures.

After enjoying a few days in Phnom Penh and spending some time with Andrew & Natalie Hayes - Workers in that city - we took an interesting bus ride to Siem Reap, Cambodia.

A village in the countryside we passed along the way.

The boys sampled some of the local delicacy - fried crickets.

After various other adventures that evening (including Aarek singing karaoke, frog hunting, and spider sightings), we settled down in our thatched hut for a few short hours of sleep. The next morning, we awoke at 4:30 to make the 30 minute commute to Angkor Wat in time for sunrise.

We spent the rest of the morning touring Angkor Wat and the other two major ancient temples, Angkor Thom & the Bayon Temple.

After our morning of exploring the temples, we hopped on another airplane and headed for Luong Probang, Laos.

Yet another tuk tuk. We are so excited to be in Laos!

We rented bikes and rode out through the hills to see some of the more rural areas.

We had a wonderful trip. Thanks so much for your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement. We are planning to make a decision on our launch city by January 2011. Please continue to Ask that He leads us where He wants us to go, that He opens doors to allow us to work in that place, and that He begins to prepare us and the people of that place for the time we will be together.

A Decision

Today is June 1. Summer has arrived.

I can remember summers growing up. I usually spent at least one week at Mid-South Youth Camp - the church camp run by Freed-Hardeman. It was a great week of fun, sun, and spiritual growth. At the end of the week, I always felt that "spiritual high" that you often get at camp, revivals, youth rallies, workshops, etc. But after a week or two, sometimes even a day or two back home, that "high" was gone, and life went back to the way it was before.

My life has drastically changed since coming to China. Not outwardly so that you would notice right away, but I think if you spent a little time with me, you would be able to tell the difference. When you are living away from the life that you know and are comfortable with, and more importantly living with focus and purpose, you can't help but feel that "spiritual high" or a feeling of being on fire for Him. About a week ago, I was laying in bed thinking about going home. Our group here often talks about how nervous we are about going home. Although finding jobs and places to live is a big part of that, most of it stems from our finding a new Family to become a part of and a continued since of purpose. Will the changes that have taken place within us keep us from fitting in? If so, maybe that's a good thing? Anyway, I was lying awake thinking about all of this and about how I hope I am able to keep this fire when I go back home - that I won't just slip back into a life of habit and comfort.

Then it hit me. One of the greatest lessons my parents ever taught me is that love is a decision. When you marry, you don't always feel "in love" but you make a decision to love each other no matter what. When you have to be around someone that you have personality clashes with, you have to make the decision to love them as we are commanded to do. In the same way, being on fire is a decision. If we do not consciously decide to be on fire for our Father, we will fall into a lifestyle of being lukewarm. And from reading Revelation, we know that He considers that disgusting. But, if we wake up every morning and decide that today we will live for Him, and we decide throughout the day to speak with Him and seek Him, and we live with a purpose of turning every conversation that we have with others so that it is about Him, we can't help but be lit on fire.

So, as our time here in China nears its end and I think about going home, I'm no longer going to say that I hope that I'll keep this zeal. I won't say that I'm going to try. I am deciding right here and now that I will live each day with Him and for Him, and that all that I do will be with Him in mind.

Our Team

Most of you probably already know that Michael and I are on a long-term team. We have been together for about 4 years now. Our projected launch date is January 2014 and we plan to move somewhere in SouthEast Asia. There are 6 of us on the team. If you don't already know them, please allow me to introduce them to you.

Gavin & Lauren Pinkston

Gavin was Michael's best friend growing up and through college - also the best man in our wedding. He graduated from Freed-Hardeman with a double major in Missions and Pre-Med. He will graduate this weekend from medical school (in Memphis) and will soon begin his residency in Greenwood (or ville...can't remember which), South Carolina. Lauren is his beautiful bride of one year. She also graduated from Freed, with a degree in education. She has been a teacher in Memphis (quite a challenging job) for the past year, and I think has plans to get her Master's in Education when they get to SC.

Aarek & Jen Farmer

Aarek was one of Michael's closest friends in college. He graduated from Freed with a degree in education, and up until recently has been working as a teacher (also in Memphis). He recently accepted a position as Youth Minister for the Great Oaks church of Christ in Cordova. Jen graduated from Florida Southern and is now almost finished with a Master's in Counseling from Harding Grad. They plan to be in Memphis until we move overseas.

and here's a pic of Michael and me...

Gavin has a small window of opportunity between finishing med school and starting his residency, and we decided to use it for a survey trip - a chance to check out some of the countries we are looking into and seeing if we are being Guided anywhere.

But, when people are trying to Reach the Lost, it is never as simple as it sounds. The Enemy has been doing all he can to keep us from going on this trip. From problems with our school here in China to political problems in Thailand to problems booking flights, suffice it to say, we have been fighting a battle. But the One in charge is taking care of us, and we WILL be going on this trip! The four members of the team who are living in the States will be landing in Vietnam on May 31. Michael and I will meet them in Phnom Phen , Cambodia on June 6. In addition to Vietnam and Cambodia, we will also be visiting Laos.

We are so excited to enter this new phase with our team. Our launch date is approaching a lot faster than we thought it would, but we are ready to begin a Good Work!

Please Think of us as we prepare for and go on our trip. Please Ask that we will be Guided to where He wants us to be. This will most likely be our only chance to visit these countries before making a decision on where we will be living in the future. Please Ask that He grants us Wisdom to know His Will.

Thank you for your continued Thoughts for us and our work here in China!

Putting a Face to the Name

Some of you receive newsletters or updates from us occasionally that ask for your Thoughts for some of the students we have made relationships with. (If you haven't, I'm asking you now!) I would like for you to have a face in mind when you are Thinking of these precious students. I will introduce them below.

DREAM

(Dream is seated on the front row, farthest to the right - black long-sleeves)

Dream is my sweet friend that I mentioned in my last blog (if you missed it, check it out here...or just scroll down!). She is a freshman English major. She wants to be an English teacher. She is one of the most thoughtful students I have. Last semester, she was the first to reach out to me and make an effort to form a relationship. We have had many talks recently about Important Things, and she has noticed the difference that They have made in my life. She has shown an interest in the Son and last week, I gave her a Book that was in English and Chinese. The Seed has been sown. Please Ask that it will be Watered and He will give increase. I want so badly for her to know the Truth.

LISA

(Lisa is closest to the camera

- stripes and pointing a gun at you!)

Lisa is a close friend of Dream's. She usually comes to lunch with us on Fridays. She is also a freshman English major. She has not necessarily shown as much interest, but she has been there to hear mention of the Son. She is a sweet girl that loves life. Please Ask that her ears are open to what she has heard, and that her heart will be soil for planting.

CHEN SHU (pronounced Chin Shoe)

(Chen Shu is seated in the middle)

Michael first met Chen Shu last semester. He was by himself, walking back to our campus. It started raining and he didn't have an umbrella. Chen Shu came up to him and offered to walk him home with her umbrella before she even knew that they were heading to the same place. That's just the kind of girl she is. She is a junior Broadcasting major. We have gotten to spend quite a bit of time with her this semester. We have had lunch together, she has been to our apartment to teach us to cook Chinese dishes, and she invited us to be a part of her class project (we had to be on a TV game show of which she was the hostess). Please Ask that her eyes will be open to notice something Different about us, that we will have opportunity to talk to her about Why we are different, and that we have at the very least made an impression in her life for Good and Truth.

WENDY

I think this one is fairly obvious!

Wendy is another one of my freshmen English majors. I had the opportunity to spend a Saturday afternoon with her a couple of weeks ago. We were able to talk for a couple of hours and really got to know each other. Without any prompting from me, Wendy asked me what I Believed. I was, of course very happy to share with her. In response, she told me that she "believes in science" (something they are encouraged to do in this society). She has such a good heart. Please Ask that she will open her heart to search for Something More and that the Words I spoke to her will land in good soil.

Of course there are other students that I have formed relationships with (one of which is Vivian - but I don't have a picture of her yet!). Please Think of all of them, but especially name these precious souls by name. Thank you for your continued Thoughts for the Work here. May His will be done and His name honored!

There Is A War Being Waged

*Disclaimer: I did not write this to offend. I wrote it to make you aware. There are also some generalizations in here that most definitely do NOT apply to everyone I know back home. I wrote this from my heart.

Dream is the student that I have grown the closest to over the past year. We have been talking and spending a lot of time together lately. We have lunch together every Friday. Last Friday, after lunch, we took a walk and ended up talking for around 3 hours.

Dream's family is Buddhist. As a part of Buddhist and Chinese culture, she prays to her ancestors. Dead people. She asks them for blessings, good health, and success in life. Her prayers fall on deaf, dead ears.

My heart breaks.

I love her. I want so badly for her to know the Truth - for her to be able to lean on a Living Rock, for her to be able to speak to Someone who hears.

There is a war being waged. I am a soldier. I am fighting. I have been wounded. I do not ask for an award, or for recognition. All the award and recognition that I need and desire come to me readily from the One who sent me into this battle.

But as my heart breaks for Dream, my heart also breaks for others - for so many of my "Christian" friends back home. They are living in their nice two-story homes, buying new furniture and clothes, going out to eat at expensive restaurants, working hard every day at jobs that will not last past this life, going to "church" on Sundays and Wednesdays and thinking this is Life. They do not even know about the war. They say that they are needed at home to work and support those who go, and also to reach the lost in their own communities. But where is the support? Where is the reaching out to the lost? They do not know there is a war, because they are not fighting in it.

I pray that when Michael and I move back to the States in less than two months, that we will not sink into lives of comfort and forget about the war and those who are fighting in it.

I have a friend who is in the army. He is in the Middle East now. He receives many packages from home and many messages of encouragement. I cannot help but think that the battle that I am fighting in is so much more important. Like I said before, I do not need award or recognition. I just want those back home to realize that there is a war being fought for souls - souls who are dying everyday without ever even hearing the name of their Savior, souls that are praying to dead people who cannot hear them.

When will we wake up and realize that we were not put on the earth and given the Truth so that we could live lives of comfort and mediocrity. We have been called to fight!!!

From prayer that asks that I may be

Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,

From fearing when I should aspire,

From faltering when I should climb higher,

From silken self, O Captain, free

Thy soldier who would follow Thee.

From subtle love of softening things,

From easy choices, weakenings,

(Not thus are spirits fortified,

Not this way went the Crucified,)

From all that dims Thy Calvary,

O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,

The faith that nothing can dismay

The hope no disappointments tire

The passion that will burn like fire,

Let me not sink to be a clod;

Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.

-Amy Carmichael

Waiting on God

I got an email this morning. It was from one of the two organizations I have applied to for a job. To summarize, they received many resumes from people who were better qualified and experienced than I and I would not be receiving an interview opportunity. I have been feeling down all morning. I wanted that job. I needed that job. We move back to the States in two months and we haven't exactly made the kind of money in China that can sustain us without income for a few months when we get back.

I'm waiting on God.

When we decided to move to China, I left a good job that I really enjoyed. I didn't make a lot of money, but it was enough. I left that job saying that, because we were answering His call, when we came back to the States, He would provide and bless me with a new job, maybe even a better job.

I'm waiting on God.

I know it was only the first response I have received. I know that I will find something eventually. I know that I still have work left to do here in China. I know not to be anxious about anything. I know that everything is in His hands.

I'm waiting on God.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

He has always provided in the past. I am going to spend a few moments remembering all the times I have had need in the past and how He provided.

I'm waiting on God. And He's always faithful.

China Funnies

Since my last couple of posts have been so serious, I decided it was time for something a little more light-hearted. Enjoy!

The cover of a Chines home decorating magazine. Please look closely at the front throw pillow.

Popular ice cream flavors - red bean and green pea.

At the local Wal-Mart (those are pigs and ducks)...no seriously, this is a Wal-Mart in China.

Not a very clear picture, but in China it is completely acceptable for grown women...and men...to walk around in public in full pajama sets. They wear them to shop, to dinner, wherever...as early as 5pm.

That is a live goldfish in a tiny keychain...PETA would have a fit.

One of the most entertaining parts of China is the Chinglish (an attempt to translate Chinese into English)...if you can't get enough, try chinglish.com

"Nothing is compatable to het beauty Beautipy Your Hair"

What are warm tips???

A message from the ATM...your guess is as good as mine.

and my personal favorite...at the cafeteria of our school....

The food is not great, but it's not THAT bad!!!

Words From the Heart

I always want to be honest with you. I don't want to use this site to make it sound like everything is wonderful all the time and that our lives and our work are perfect. So, to be honest, I am feeling a bit discouraged this morning. We have been here for almost 8 months and have not had one single study. I have also heard that there are some people back home that are criticizing our work. And I'm starting to doubt myself and wonder if it's all been a waste. I know I just wrote about planting seeds, and God's word not coming back empty handed. I know all this in my head, but my heart is having a hard time catching up. We are running out of time, and I'm afraid of being a failure. I know that God didn't send us here to have studies - He sent us here to be His Son to this country and to plant seeds and to simply obey His call. I know that things may happen as a result of our being here that I may never even know about. I know that even if absolutely nothing happens, this year still has not been a waste because I have grown so much and learned so much during our time here. But knowing isn't always understanding. Please Think of us. Please Think about the people we are trying to reach. Please ask that He keep the evil one from us and that we won't get discouraged and give up. We have 2 months left, and He can do amazing things. Please ask that we be reminded of this.

A Heaven-sent Reminder

As some of you may have seen on facebook or Twitter, I've had a pretty rough week.

Some people assume that since we are missionaries, that we have superhero faith and that we never struggle or have difficult times. It's simply not true. A war is being waged (Ephesians 6:12), and as soldiers, we are right in the middle of it - and a lot of times that means getting wounded. (For a really good perspective on peaks and valleys check this out) I have been floundering all week trying to find purpose and motivation. I have been begging God for help. He sent it today.

Jackie (center) is a Brother. Kyle (my brother) met him during his first year in China back in 2005. He lives in Shanghai (about an hour and a half away) and came to visit for the weekend. We had our Family Meeting this morning, and (for security reasons among other things) he is the first Chinese that we've had to attend. Apparently we all had bad weeks, including Jackie, but this is what he shared (paraphrase), "I feel better today. I had a dream last night and it was like He told me to give Him the burden. He told me that I try to do everything on my own and I can't. I need Him."

One of the greatest struggles since we've been here is wondering if we're doing any good, making any difference. Jackie also had some encouraging words on this topic. He reminded us of the quote about 'one planting the seed, and another sowing...' Then he shared his story. The first foreign teacher he had was a Sister. She didn't think he had any interest and probably assumed she would never talk to him again after her year in China. The very next year, another teacher came and Jackie became a Brother. The first teacher wasn't there to see it, but she was the one who had planted the seed. It was a great encouragement to hear this from a Chinese. He also said, "Don't think you're here to help the Chinese. You are here for us to help you." I'm not sure he knew how right he was!

"For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it." -Isaiah 55:11

I have to remind myself that my purpose is not to "convert" or teach, that is for God to do. My job is simply to plant seeds - to "proclaim the excellencies of him who called [me]." -1 Peter 2:9

Temporary Home

I'm cheesy when it comes to music. I like sappy love songs, inspiring songs, songs with meaning, etc. So naturally, I love country music. I downloaded Carrie Underwood's newest album a few months ago, and one of my favorite songs on there is "Temporary Home." Every time I hear it, it gets me thinking.

I'm in China, away from "home," so my first thought is always that China is just my temporary home and that I'll get to go back to my home culture soon, where my family is, where things are familiar and comfortable. Often when out shopping, especially when we first got here, I will see something that I like, but decide not to get it because, after all, this is just a temporary stay and I don't really need it. Also, when I get frustrated that I look different, that I can't understand what people are saying, that I don't know what's going on, that I can't find what I'm looking for, it is a great comfort to remember that this is not my real home. When I get home, I won't stand out in a crowd, I'll understand what those around me are saying...things will just be better when I get home.

And then it hits me. The way I feel about living in China is how I should feel about living on the earth. You see, no matter where I am on earth, I'm not going to fit in. I'm going to look a little different. I'll be away from my Father. I won't understand why people say and do certain things. I won't be able to find what I'm looking for. All this because this is not really where I'm from. This is only my temporary home.

I've mentioned before that I get butterflies every time I think about going through the customs line when I land back on U.S. soil and hearing those beautiful words, "Welcome home." As wonderful as that will be, I cannot imagine how amazing it will be to finally get Home and here my Father say, "Welcome home, child."

It breaks my heart to see my sweet students who wake up every morning thinking this life is all there is. There sole purpose is to find a good job, make money, and try to be as happy as they can be. There is no hope. There is no true joy. I pray every day that the Father can use me to show them that this is only temporary, and that He's waiting on them, longing for them to come Home.

It Works!

I just want to say a big THANK YOU to all of you that have been Thinking of us. You should know that it's working! The Father has been overwhelming us (in a good way) with opportunities. He is keeping our spirits lifted. And we are beginning to see small pieces of fruits from our (and the Father's) labor here.

Last semester, we felt like we were working very hard with little to no results. But this semester, we made a decision to focus more on Thinking. We have been Thinking more ourselves, mentioning specific people we are building relationships with. Michael and I each have a Thought Network back home, who Think of us daily (and also mention specific names of those we are working with). We are spending more time Thinking with our team. And the Father has been responding in kind.

Last semester, it seemed like we had to knock out and drag someone to have lunch with us or spend time with us outside of class. Now we eat with a student at least three times a week. Michael has a group of guys that ask him to work out with them and play basketball with them at least three times a week. We are texting and talking (outside of class) more with our students now than we ever have before.

We are busy and we love it! Our Father is so good! And He listens when His children talk to Him. So please continue to Think of us and mention us to the Father. Please ask Him to use us in any way He wills as instruments for His work here in China. And thank you for remembering us in our work here. We thank Him on all remembrances of you!

This Makes No Sense

Sometimes the Chinese people will do things that, as a foreigner, make absolutely no sense to me. Okay, maybe the word here should be "Oftentimes" instead of "Sometimes."

One example occurred just 2 weeks ago.

It was Monday morning. 8:30AM. First day of classes. We hear a knock on our door. We were awake, but are not accustomed to people knocking on our door that early in the morning. Michael's first class was not until 1:30pm and I don't teach on Mondays, so we had not yet taken showers or gotten ready for the day. Michael opened the door to find a small Chinese woman waiting. She spoke no English. We're used to this, so we tried to figure out what she wanted through sign language. She just kept talking and pointing to the bathroom and we just could NOT figure out what was going on. So she pulled out her cell phone and called a friend who could speak English and translate for us. She communicated to us that the school wanted to remodel our bathroom. They would have to bust out all the tile, lay new tile and grout, and allow it to dry. We would not be able to use the shower for 3 days. Please keep in mind that this is the first day of classes - and the fact that we had been gone for 6 weeks, which would have been, in our minds, the perfect opportunity to re-tile our bathroom. But, what can you do? This is life in China. We made do with the sink for a few days until we got the okay to use the shower again. It was frustrating at first and I don't understand why they had to do it this way, but now that it is all said and done, I am thoroughly enjoying our new shower that now has a drain of its own (instead of the whole bathroom floor getting wet).

In a way, I guess this is a good lesson about our Father. We spend our time in the physical. He is from somewhere different - the spiritual. So there are times when He asks us to do things that make absolutely no sense to us. We may think we know a different or even better way of doing things. But in the end, He knows what He is doing, and we are left to enjoy the great blessings of going with the flow and following in the way that He wants us to do things.

Blessed Beyond Belief

When I was about 12 years old, my parents were going to take a trip to Florida for their anniversary - just a short getaway without us kids. In response I exclaimed, "You never take me anywhere!" My parents laughed in my face, as well they should.

When I was 4 months old, my family and I moved to India. By the time I was 5, I had seen more of the world than most people will see in a lifetime. During our 16 years in Henderson, Tennessee, my parents provided opportunities and encouraged me to take opportunities to visit more of the world.

I don't say these things to brag. This has not only changed who I am, it is why I am who I am.

In 1985, there was no internet. India had no washing machines, microwaves, McDonalds - in fact, they barely had electricity. Yet my parents counted the cost and made the move, taking a 2-year-old and a 4-month-old with them. They could not talk to their family or friends anytime they wanted on facebook or skype. It took 3 days to place a call to the US. And they didn't have any teammates. They were the only white faces in a city of over 15 million.

They are my heroes.

It is through them that I understand that you cannot call yourself a Christian and never leave your comfort zone. It is through their example that I know, no matter how difficult it is to leave everything and everyone behind, it can and MUST be done.

I got to see my parents over our winter holiday. My dad spoke at our conference in Beijing. I've heard all of his "rants & raves" before, but I'm still inspired by the words the Father speaks through him. He has devoted his life to the Creator and I only hope that I can be used in such a way.

A few days after we returned from Beijing, my mom came to Hangzhou to visit and see where we live. She uplifted my sagging spirits and help point me in the right direction. She is my best friend and the one I always aspire to be like.

I am so blessed to have parents such as these - parents who not only taught me about the Son, they showed Him to me. I do not imagine that it is easy to see your children move across the world. But I also know it must not have been easy for one particular Father to send His Son away from home to earth. I have wonderful earthly parents, but above all I am blessed beyond belief to be the daughter of the King.

A Confession

I was not excited to come back to China. In fact, I had a really bad attitude about it. It's cold. It has rained nearly every day since we got back. The people here stare at me everywhere I go. And then I got to thinking. And then I couldn't stop thinking. And then it was 2:00 in the morning and I still couldn't stop thinking. So, I got out of bed, went and sat on the couch in the dark and had a long talk with God.

He reminded me that just 8 short months ago, I was begging Him to let us come to China. I was praying constantly that He would work it out and find us a job here. And then He said "yes," and I was so excited.

The reminders did not stop there. He also reminded me that I spent the whole first half of our year here missing home and wishing I was not in China. And then He showed me that I have started off the second half of our year here worried about what we will do when we get back home (where we will live, where I will work, etc.).

Then I feel like He very gently grabbed me by the shoulders, shook me and said, "HELLO!!!"

I wanted so badly to come here and do something for Him. He gave me this incredible opportunity to be one of a few lights in a country of over 1 billion. He put me in a place where I am surrounded by the lost constantly and have no lack of opportunity. And yet, I have spent my time here wishing I were somewhere else.

We start our new semester in March. So, I have a few more weeks before all my students are back in town. I have a few more weeks to refocus and recharge.

It's time to get busy. God brought me here for a reason, and I want to spend every ounce of energy that I have during this upcoming semester seeking out that purpose and accomplishing it through Him. Please pray for me - for all of us here in China - as we get ready for this new semester.

A Once-in-a-Lifetime Trip

We just got back from the most amazing vacation I've ever been on (Sorry Kyle, getting head-butted at Disney World has been knocked from its perch). We an 9 other friends went backpacking through Vietnam. What an place. The country and the people are arguably the most beautiful in the world. I loved every minute of it (Well, almost - for a not-so-loved minute, check out Michael's blog). As promised, I have returned with pictures. There are far to many to put all of them, but I'll try to give you a nice timeline of our adventures.

We started with a 30 hour train ride.

This is how much room we had. I was on the top of 3 bunks.

Finally in Vietnam. Michael loved that we were millionaires. Exchange rate is awful.

Hanoi. Capitol city. I love it there.

One of many sleeper buses we had to take as we went stop to stop through Vietnam.

Finally to the beach. Mui Ne=most amazing beach ever. This is how life should be.

Our resort. Pretty incredible for $20/room/night.

Mui Ne is a big kite surfing beach. It was really cool watching them all.

Me & my sweet husband - sunset on the beach.

Never thought I'd try surfing in my life, but I did and I loved it!

All of us at our favorite restaurant. We ate here at least 7 times.

Here it is. Good Morning Vietnam. They serve Italian. Amazing brick oven pizzas.

The only picture I got of Saigon. Notre Dam of the East or something like that. Our last day in Vietnam :(